A Little Piece of My Heaven....
I don't want this to be a sad blog...I want this to be a happy day and I want to share my memories w/ all of you...
Today is my husbands birthday. He would have been 30. He was so young and left way too early. Today I want to celeberate his memory and celebrate that fact that he will always live in my heart and in my thoughts.
Today also marks our 10 year anniversary. Today, we would have been together 10 years...wow, that's a long time. He asked me to be his "lady" (he was so sweet) on his 20th birthday...He said that the best present I could give him would be me accepting to be his girl...Well, 2 years later we were married.
I met Angel when I was a mere 15 years young. He used to tell me to have all the fun I wanted cuz as soon as i was 18 i was gonna be his and only his. He used to say that we would get married and that I would be the mother of his kids. I thought he was smoking something! All BS aside, we were happy...I was content with our life... I knew that I could always count on him and that he would always be there for me. I was his girl, his lady, his wife.....
In my eyes, Angel will always be the best father that ever lived. He loved his children soo much. I had never met a man that was so passionate and so in love with his children. He spoiled them and he didn't care. He adored them and lived for them. Don't get me wrong, he was strict and tough and with the simple look or a word from his mouth, they knew he meant business. They respected him...they loved him. My girls (they're twins) were only 1 when he died. They won't remeber him unfortunately. But they know him. It's hard to explain, but they know who he is... It saddens me that he won't see them go to kindergarden, he won't be there for their Quinceñera, or when they graduate from highschool and college. He won't see them wed and he'll never meet his grandchildren...I hate that...We used to talk about the things we would do when we had our grandkids...It's never going to be like that...
My boys on the otherhand....they do remember him. They have fond memories of him. We talked about it last night. They told me that they remember him taking them to the fair, our trips to Laughlin, the jetski's on the river, the boat trips at Lake Mead. They remember him taking them to school (when he was too lazy to go to work) and then picking them up and taking them to Mickey Dee's. They remember him taking the time to play Playstation with them and then taking over the game and not letting them play. They remember him being their tee-ball coach and him taking the time to show them how to catch and hit a ball...they also remember the last day they saw him (when they talk about it, im blown away, its as if it happened yesterday). They remember what they ate, what he did, what he said to them and when they kissed him goodnight as he went to the hospital. They remember me telling them that daddy wouldn't be coming home anymore...that they remember.
I remember him. He was my best friend. We were so intune w/ eachother. I swear to you that we could literally finish eachother's senctences. We were so at ease with eachother and so comfortable. He was my teddy bear, my Ogre (he was always bitching about something). He used to call me at LEAST 4 to 5 times a day at work...Just to see how my day was going, or if something stupid happend to him at work or just to talk. I miss that...my phone doesn't ring as much anymore. No one calls me to see if I got to work ok, or to check up on me. No one comes thru the door anymore at 6:00 pm. The nights are lonely, the bed seems enormous. No one to steal covers from or to hug or to bug...
We should have been inVegas right now. That was his birthday trip every year. He was my gambling buddy...boy were we some gambling fools. Haven't met anyone yet that shares the passion of the tables as much as he and I did. We were partners in crime. LOVED Black Jack and don't even mention the Craps tables. Once we spent the whole freakin day at a black jack table...8 straight hours...didn't move, just played. didn't eat, didn't even go to the head...i swear its a true story. he kept sayin..."we'll leave right after this hand, ok babe" yeah...that was the longest hand ever...LOL.
Here's the last pic our family took. Ironically (it was hell getting the kids to stay still) he told me that it was the LAST time he would take a family pic, next time i was on my own. I guess he was right. Here's the site if you wanna see my happy family.
http://www.mem.com/display/Images.asp?ID=645086&index=20#imageTop
Thanks for listening guys...I just wanted you all to know how special he was to me and to my kids. How he will forever live inside our hearts.
Angel, happy birthday babe. I wish you were here right now...but I guess God had other plans for u huh? I miss u daddy, the kids miss you a lot too. They always talk about you. The girls call out to you when they see ur pics. They're beauties huh? I know you're taking care of them, that keeps me at ease knowing ur looking out for us. Daddy, te quiero muchisimo y te extraño. Ur always in my thoughts and will always be in my heart. I love u babe....happy birthday.
Today is my husbands birthday. He would have been 30. He was so young and left way too early. Today I want to celeberate his memory and celebrate that fact that he will always live in my heart and in my thoughts.
Today also marks our 10 year anniversary. Today, we would have been together 10 years...wow, that's a long time. He asked me to be his "lady" (he was so sweet) on his 20th birthday...He said that the best present I could give him would be me accepting to be his girl...Well, 2 years later we were married.
I met Angel when I was a mere 15 years young. He used to tell me to have all the fun I wanted cuz as soon as i was 18 i was gonna be his and only his. He used to say that we would get married and that I would be the mother of his kids. I thought he was smoking something! All BS aside, we were happy...I was content with our life... I knew that I could always count on him and that he would always be there for me. I was his girl, his lady, his wife.....
In my eyes, Angel will always be the best father that ever lived. He loved his children soo much. I had never met a man that was so passionate and so in love with his children. He spoiled them and he didn't care. He adored them and lived for them. Don't get me wrong, he was strict and tough and with the simple look or a word from his mouth, they knew he meant business. They respected him...they loved him. My girls (they're twins) were only 1 when he died. They won't remeber him unfortunately. But they know him. It's hard to explain, but they know who he is... It saddens me that he won't see them go to kindergarden, he won't be there for their Quinceñera, or when they graduate from highschool and college. He won't see them wed and he'll never meet his grandchildren...I hate that...We used to talk about the things we would do when we had our grandkids...It's never going to be like that...
My boys on the otherhand....they do remember him. They have fond memories of him. We talked about it last night. They told me that they remember him taking them to the fair, our trips to Laughlin, the jetski's on the river, the boat trips at Lake Mead. They remember him taking them to school (when he was too lazy to go to work) and then picking them up and taking them to Mickey Dee's. They remember him taking the time to play Playstation with them and then taking over the game and not letting them play. They remember him being their tee-ball coach and him taking the time to show them how to catch and hit a ball...they also remember the last day they saw him (when they talk about it, im blown away, its as if it happened yesterday). They remember what they ate, what he did, what he said to them and when they kissed him goodnight as he went to the hospital. They remember me telling them that daddy wouldn't be coming home anymore...that they remember.
I remember him. He was my best friend. We were so intune w/ eachother. I swear to you that we could literally finish eachother's senctences. We were so at ease with eachother and so comfortable. He was my teddy bear, my Ogre (he was always bitching about something). He used to call me at LEAST 4 to 5 times a day at work...Just to see how my day was going, or if something stupid happend to him at work or just to talk. I miss that...my phone doesn't ring as much anymore. No one calls me to see if I got to work ok, or to check up on me. No one comes thru the door anymore at 6:00 pm. The nights are lonely, the bed seems enormous. No one to steal covers from or to hug or to bug...
We should have been inVegas right now. That was his birthday trip every year. He was my gambling buddy...boy were we some gambling fools. Haven't met anyone yet that shares the passion of the tables as much as he and I did. We were partners in crime. LOVED Black Jack and don't even mention the Craps tables. Once we spent the whole freakin day at a black jack table...8 straight hours...didn't move, just played. didn't eat, didn't even go to the head...i swear its a true story. he kept sayin..."we'll leave right after this hand, ok babe" yeah...that was the longest hand ever...LOL.
Here's the last pic our family took. Ironically (it was hell getting the kids to stay still) he told me that it was the LAST time he would take a family pic, next time i was on my own. I guess he was right. Here's the site if you wanna see my happy family.
http://www.mem.com/display/Images.asp?ID=645086&index=20#imageTop
Thanks for listening guys...I just wanted you all to know how special he was to me and to my kids. How he will forever live inside our hearts.
Angel, happy birthday babe. I wish you were here right now...but I guess God had other plans for u huh? I miss u daddy, the kids miss you a lot too. They always talk about you. The girls call out to you when they see ur pics. They're beauties huh? I know you're taking care of them, that keeps me at ease knowing ur looking out for us. Daddy, te quiero muchisimo y te extraño. Ur always in my thoughts and will always be in my heart. I love u babe....happy birthday.
posted by SoozieQ | Friday, July 22, 2005
8 Comments:
Thank you sweetie. I'm surprised that you remember that from highschool. Crazy huh?
Thanks for being here Tannia. I really mean that mija. You came back at a time when I really needed ur friendship. Thanks for the introdution to blogging..its definitely been theraputic and an outlet.
I love u too mammas...
whew, that got a lump in my throat and all.
goodness, thank you for sharing this day and those beautiful memories here. the picture of your family is beautiful and i feel like i know you.
truly, you are a stong and beautiful woman that can and will only take amazing steps for yourself, your children and angel himself.
your strength is demonstrated in not allowing any cowardice into and therefore run your life. it is in the loving hand youlay upon your children, it is in strokes given to the keyboard.
your beauty is demonstrated within the tears that may fall, the pure smiles that slide along your face, and the friendships that you are willing to find. the beauty is founded within yourself it is interwoven with the strength and you have only begun to tap into the labyrinth of possibilities and life that will come out of it all.
mucho amor and thoughts,
caro
Caro,
eres un amor. thank u for your kind words.
I swear u r a special young lady. I'm glad to have u as a blog buddy. hopefully when u get down here we can get together...all of us. Tannia and I will show u how we Cali girls do it (see if u can hang) lol... shoot, i'm sure u can teach us a few things huh?
Again chica, thanks for the lovely words...ur a sweetie.
oh yes girl..Tro and I go way back. That's my girl...as a matter of fact my next blog will be about when i met miss Tro in highschool -thanks for the inspiration...
Thanks for ur kind words also...ur always a sweetie. And thanks for taking the time to read my tribute to my Angel...
Oh wow Suzie. I'm at work here bawling. I actually am pretty speechless.
All I can say is that it takes a strong woman to through what you've gone through. I really admire your strength, and your willingness to share something something so personal.
Many hugs.
Des, Evelina, Az...thanks soo much for the support. u guys are awsome. In the wise words of Caro...Lots of hearts to all of u...
I also don't know what to say other then thanks for sharing such a beautiful part of yourself with us. Your family is lovely. You are a wonderfull mother and a very strong women. I can't even imagen all the strength you needed just to write that.
Un abrazo
Ps. My friend always use to say that we never truely lose anyone we just gain and angel. I am sure that Angel is never far from you.
Like everyone else, I'm completely blown away. Thank you so much for sharing your Angel with us. The love that emanates from your writing about him and your family is simply overwhelming and powerful.
I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through the past 8 months, but I hope that the memories of happiness, the remembrance of a home filled with love and the laughter from your little ones will sustain you through your hardest days.
Your little girls may not remember their daddy, but their souls will always know and remember the love that created them and filled their first year with a loving spirit that will carry them throughout their lives. And, your boys will be able to help them and mold them in the same love that their daddy passed down to them.
God bless you and your family and many many hugs to you to save for a rainy day or a sunny day or whenever you need a little extra strength to get through the day.
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