Slowly...
This weekend was an interesting one for me. I finally raised up enough strength to get rid of some of my husbands clothes. Its been sitting in his closet since he passed, neatly hung and untouched. In the dresser drawers, his t-shirts are neatly folded and other clothing still sit there unbothered. Its as if he's still coming home one day and his things will be there ready if he needs them. I know he's not coming home..i understand that...its just that i feel that if i give his stuff away, i'm getting rid of him...and i'm not ok with that idea. I know he will "forever" live on in my heart but its just really hard to cope with the idea that he's no longer coming home...
I remember that about a week after he died ~ i was "advised" to get rid of his things as soon as possible because it might be unbearable for me to have his things around....i was shocked, annoid and i didn't understand how someone could tell me that. its been very theraputic for me to have his things around. i still open up the medicine cabinet and see his contacts, his shaving cream and his colognes. I sometimes spray cologne on my arm so that i can smell him...its very nostalgic and soothing...i look through his clothes...look at his jewelry, look at his wallet, his keys...its as if he's still around....that comforts me.
My husband died approximately nine months ago...for nine months his belongings have been with me. My bestfriend and brother were very comforting when i called to tell them that i was going to go through the closet and start sorting things and giving things away...they said that i knew the day would eventually come and that i should only do it if i really thought it was necessary...i kept clothing that was meaningful to me, clothing that i knew he would want his boys to have. Lets get something straight here...i only did the closet...the dresser drawers will have to wait...i'm not ready to get rid of EVERYTHING yet. Its not time.
Anywho...slowly i know i'm going to get "through" this...i guess people cope with these things differently. I'm going to take my time though. Even if it takes a year, 2, 3 or never...his memory does live on, through his clothes, his belongings, pictures, memories and through his children. God how i miss him....
I remember that about a week after he died ~ i was "advised" to get rid of his things as soon as possible because it might be unbearable for me to have his things around....i was shocked, annoid and i didn't understand how someone could tell me that. its been very theraputic for me to have his things around. i still open up the medicine cabinet and see his contacts, his shaving cream and his colognes. I sometimes spray cologne on my arm so that i can smell him...its very nostalgic and soothing...i look through his clothes...look at his jewelry, look at his wallet, his keys...its as if he's still around....that comforts me.
My husband died approximately nine months ago...for nine months his belongings have been with me. My bestfriend and brother were very comforting when i called to tell them that i was going to go through the closet and start sorting things and giving things away...they said that i knew the day would eventually come and that i should only do it if i really thought it was necessary...i kept clothing that was meaningful to me, clothing that i knew he would want his boys to have. Lets get something straight here...i only did the closet...the dresser drawers will have to wait...i'm not ready to get rid of EVERYTHING yet. Its not time.
Anywho...slowly i know i'm going to get "through" this...i guess people cope with these things differently. I'm going to take my time though. Even if it takes a year, 2, 3 or never...his memory does live on, through his clothes, his belongings, pictures, memories and through his children. God how i miss him....
posted by SoozieQ | Monday, August 29, 2005
4 Comments:
I'm sorry you had to do that Suzie...You are a strong, courageous woman. I know I've told you this before.
But hey, take your time. If its not ok for you to let that stuff go, then, keep it as long as you need to. I still have a few boxes of my grandmothers belongings. I'll never use it, but seriously, I cant just let it go. I like to have stuff that she had. Those things are important to me.
I know that this is hard soozie and i send you a big hug. I think you are such a strong and courageous woman as well.
Don't listen to what other people say your husbands things are important to you and your children. You hold on to them as long as you need to.
it's all about time chica, la vida es algo que hay que vivir invez de ver.
going through the motions isnt good enough i'm glad you know that....all the people that told you to throw everything out immideiately were just going through the motions of their surroundings.....you on the other are taking your life as it is given as it will come, you live it because you know what it is you have and therefore what you need.
you're amazing and i never cease to amaze me.
be well.
Hey girlie - definitely no reason to get rid of his things if you're not ready. It's great to have them as mementos - certain things bring back certain memories.
When my father passed I took a few of his "USC" T-shirts cuz those are what he wore ALL the time - those were special and i'm very glad I have them. My mom sees no reason to pack his clothes up or give them away - but she's a very strong woman like you and does what she wants - not what people say.
Take Care
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