A lot on My Plate...

Ok. So i'm excited, pissed off, and numb. It's crazy how a person could have sooo many emotions running thru them huh? So let me explain...

Next week Friday, about this time, I'll be sitting at a Black Jack table, w/ a Whiskey Sour in one hand and a pair of cards in the other yelling HIT ME!! Yeah, baby, I'm going to be in VEGAS. Oh, the love i have for that place is grand. Vegas and I have a relationship like no other. Its my birthday next week and I'm going to spend it in Vegas ~ the happiest place on earth. Well it is, when ur a gambler....so lets move on. I'm very excited, i haven't been there for about a year now, and if u know me, that's A LONG A$$ TIME ok....I love the city, i love the lights, i love the game tables, i love the clubs. Any suggetions for a club by the way? Been to Studio 54 at MGM and it was all right...Rain at the Palms is AWESOME...but i want to try something new, u know... Anywho, wish me luck and hopefully i'll break the house and come back w/ some money..woo hoo...

Ok so why am i pissed off u might ask? Well i won't go into toooo much detail, but yeah its because of Mr. G. To make a long story short, i'm done w/ him. He lied, he got caught, he's an ass and that's that (and no its not another girl)....whatever. U know i really gave him too much credit at one point and that's why i'm pissed. i'm upset that i'm mad. and i'm mad at myself for being upset? make sense? i feel that if i didn't care, i wouldn't be mad and since i'm mad, therefore i care and i DIDN'T want to care! Capiche? ok...whatever, i'm done, he's done, good riddens! Moving on...

And finally, why would i be numb...well as i mentioned before, its my birthday next week and I'll be turning 29...ewwww...(gasping). i don't know how to handle that exactly. I had a really hard time w/ 27 and well 28 just came and went but 29??? Do you realize that its the last i'll see of my 20's. I won't be in the 20's range any longer. I can't even say i'm depressed cuz it hasn't really hit me yet. Hopefully it won't...i just can't believe i'm there now, at the end of my 20's...ughhhhh....

Ok, well i'm not going to get all depressed and bitch about it, i'm going to count down the days till Vegas and enjoy my LONG weekend. Oh the joys of civil service. We get all the holidays off. So have a great weekend folks, enjoy it and we'll talk again soon.

See i'm getting better at blogging again right? *Wink*

Happy Singles Awareness Day...

Hola everybody. Today is (ughh) Valentines Day. BUT not everyone is celebrating it soooo in favor of us singles, i declare today ~ Singles Awareness Day. Yes if u have a lover, baby, boo, honey, sweetie, whatever...i'm not gonna hate on u, however, i want to recognize us single folks too!!

I'm happy for all of u that are lucky enough to have someone special today. Good for you. Currently I'm in a place where i'm learning to be "alone" (ewww). This is a time where i need to concentrate on me and on being "single" (ewww)...sorry , i've told u guys the whole ~ "ever since i started dating, i've never been single" story so bare w/ me. Thanks...

Its not my first Singles Awareness day, I was single last year, but u can imagine that it was not a happy day. Well neither is today but i'm better now. I can handle my "situation" better and am coping w/ my baby being in heaven now.

Anywhoooooooo...so some of u may be wondering "Gee Soozie, what happened to Mr. G? Isn't he ur Valentine?" Umm, No he isnt. He went away...far far away...yes he finally left. Crazy huh...he left about a month ago. We never really had another "good-bye" like the first one. Which is cool, cuz that moment couldn't be duplicated nor would i want it to be. It was a short and expected parting actually. We actually never said "good-bye" it was more like, I'll be back next weekend ok. I'll call u. And he did. We "kept" in touch for a bit and slowly our conversations have dwindled. He started working out in Palmdale and well its not as easy to get down here when ur working weekends too. I mean i knew this was going to happen, its just wierd u know. I haven't spoke to him in over a week. And honestly i don't see him calling me. I called him yesterday and just told him i was checking on him to see if he's alright? And then i kinda said for him not to bother calling me back, that I was cool and hopefully he was too. If he needs me i'll be here but right now i'm gonna just walk away. Haven't heard from him yet and actually i hope i don't.

Its just that i'm already mentally parting w/ him and i don't want to do this whole long distance relationship thing. I mean we're not in a "relationship" per say but u know what i mean....i'm just not trying to be allllll attached to him and then BAM he drops me like whatever....nope, not trying to get hurt and it seems like that's where this is headed so i'm bowing out gracefully right now.

But anyways being single isn't soooo bad right? I'm sure its got its UPS? I'll let u know what they are when i find out too....

Hugs and Kisses to all my singles....Pats on the backs to all my couples. All in all, hope everyone enjoys the day...Now excuse me while i go jump off the 8th floor. Laters...

HOLA EVERYBODY!!!

Geeez Louise!! u'd think i could drop a line once in a while huh? What's up ya'll!!! I've missed all of you. I've been a bad blogger buddy, i know it...but i'm going to try and be better, AT LEAST try and post once a week...its just this whole playing "supervisor" thing is kicking my a$$!!! It sucks. ANYWHO enough about work! Lets update all of you on the exciting life of Soozie! hee hee...

Sooo had a decent Christmas and New Year ~ (glad the holidays are over)umm, yeah still bitter about not having the hubby here...don't know when i'll get over it and the holidays don't help since he died in Dec...so u can imagine how "scroogy" i was...anyways, got nice presents...diamond bracelet, coach wallet, suede coat...the family rocks...they love me...ahhh!

Been spending time w/ my cutie, Mr. G. He's so cute. He's a sweetheart, i love spending time w/ him. He's sweet and hella funny! Just does random stupid~funny things to make me laugh. He's EXTRA sweet to my kids, the twins love him...he's always playing w/ them and buying them little treats like chips and candy...EVEN WHEN I TELL HIM NOT TO...he's kind of stubborn now that i think about it..hmmm??? But all in all, yes he's STILL around, oh and get this....him leaving? yeah that's up in the air...says he just might stick around, doesnt want to move out to Palmdale. Probably going to get a place w/ his bestfriend and then take off to the Marines. So he could leave, he could not...sucks really, but not worrying about that! Going to enjoy him while he's still here.

Sooooo nothing TOO exciting happening...just same ol' stuff. Got a couple of resolutions...we'll see how long i can stick to these..HA!!!

1) WORK OUT and GET TONED by May...don't need to lose weight but want to tighten up the abs, legs and a$$! Highschool Reunion in May...must have the EX and all the annoying biatches hate me more for looking as good as I do!! (can u say vain)????

2) HAVE MORE PATIENCE!!!

3) GET MORE ORGANIZED!...i think i was wallowing in self pity after my husband's death and i just stopped giving a hoot about stuff...so have to get back on track and get financially organized. No i'm not in debt or anything like that, just want to start investing more money and not spend money like its water..u know that kind of stuff.

I think that was it? At least the ones i think i can stick to...if i think up anyother ones, i'll relay them to u guys. So that's all for now. gotta start working, i leave early today so i have to get "some" work done. Alrighty...

HOPE EVEYRONE HAS AN AWESOME YEAR...I WISH EVERYONE NOTHING BUT AWESOME STUFF...DON'T BREAK YOUR RESOLUTIONS OK!!!!
MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAHHHHH!!! BIG HUGS AND KISSES....Laters!

The Holidays Begin!

So like an insane person i woke up Friday moring and went SHOPPING!!! and by 5 am we were out and about. now, its crazy cuz some people really take this serious! I got to the mall at 5:20 am...can you believe people were already LEAVING with 3 to 4 bags full of stuff in each hand. its like they're on a mission to get to the next store PRONTO! so that's cool and all, but what about the people who have thier newborn babies w/ them or the ones w/ the 2 year old all bundled up in a stroller. Now thats just wrong, poor babies. Anywho, i got a lot done. Not like years in the past where i'm one of those fools who's shopping last minute, even up to the night before trying to get presents....nope not this year, i'm ahead of the game!!! there's only a handful of people i need to get presents for and then i'm set.

So Thanksgiving was nice and quiet. Kind of sad and a bit nostalgic...trying to get through the 1st of everything w/o the hubby around. Thanksgiving is kind of sad cuz its the last holiday he was around for. The boys kept saying things like, "my daddy sat in that chair last year", "daddy was watching football last year", "daddy loved pumpkin pie", so u can imagine how we felt, but this time unlike any other, we decided to not mourn him but remember him. we started telling stories about the past and instead of cyring, we actually laughed. I know he would want that, he wouldn't want us to be depressed.

Well before i go, i wanted to list the things i was thankful for....(didn't get a chance to do it last week) so here we go:

I am thankful for:
1) Andrew, Aaron, Alyssa & Arianna (my babies)

2) God ~ for not forgetting about me and taking care of me. letting me know that i will be ok...

3) rolling around on the ground w/ my kids, chasing them, laughing w/ or at them (yeah i'm mean), playing w/ them, getting hugs and kisses from them, hearing them say "i love u mommy" or "mommy, ur so pretty", cuddling in bed and trying to squeeze 4 kids in w/ me in a queen sized bed...

4) My family...the greatest support system ever. w/o them i don't know what i would have done!

5) Real friends...there for me no matter what! Making me smile, when i cried. Listening to me vent about all my issues (Lord know i sure have issues), never judging me and still loving me no matter what stupid thing i've done...(Karen, Carlos and Jaz I LOVE U)

6) Being blessed w/ good health, a good job, nice home, nice car, and all around good life, regardless of what challenges life brings me.

7) and last but certainly not least: Tannia!!! for introducing me to the blogger world...for introducing me to all of you who have listened to me and let me vent and let me express myself. Thanks to all of you for your kind words and thoughts.

I hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving!!!

Hey blogger buddies. Yes, its me, the stranger. I know, i've been MIA, but geez its been a crazy month....yes i saw that i haven't posted in a MONTH....whats up w/ that? Well i've been busy (haven't we all?) and I, like many am going thru my "i'm not interesting" phase. I just feel like i've nothing "interesting" to write about. I'm at a loss for words...i need a muse! That's what i've come up w/. I need inspiration.

Thank you to all my buds that were worried about me, but i'm ok. Let me fill u in on some personal stuff (well not too personal, ~wink, ~wink, *nudge, *nudge). Before u ask, yes Mr. G is still in the picture. He's such a sweetheart. We've been hanging out a lot lately. U know, movies, mc donalds, mo-mo...Ehhhhhh, just kidding....what kind of girl do u think i am???? well ok i may have done that back in the day but not anymore, no sir, i have standards now...but really, lets stay focused here...ok so we've been hanging out and its cool, cuz its the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE that i've not become attached to someone (or so i would like to believe). Let me tell u a bit about myself. I always "dated" guys who were boyfriend material. I didn't mess w/u unless i thought u were a keeper.None of this hooking up or dating stuff. And let me also say that since the young age of 14 (when i started dating) i've never been single... Yeah, NEVER. I was always the girl w/ a boyfriend or at least had em' lined up if i needed one. And they were long relationships, i think the shortest time w/ a guy was 8 months or something....anywho, I've always been "taken care of or spoken for." So I don't really know what it means to do the whole casual dating thing. I always given 110% of myself when in a relationship, so Mr. G would be the first guy who i'm not thinking "commitment" or "boyfriend" or "in-love". Don't get me wrong, i could totally fall for him. He's awsome, but i have to keep in mind that A) he's really young and there's a WHOLE world of adventure waiting for him in the future. B) he's moving! C) If he wasn't moving, he's still leaving to the Marines! so you see, i can't become attached. I won't allow it!

I want to say that he did mess things up by staying and not leaving when he was SUPPOSED to have left. I did my whole goodbye thing and now that i like him a tad bit more, its going to be really hard to say goodbye. So that's why i don't want to get attached, that's why i'm playing it safe and oddly keeping him at arms length...he knows it too. We had one conversation about it and dropped it. We're just going to have fun as long as we're together. We're going to not think about it and just kick it!

PS: Yeah, don't tell anyone, but i'm going to miss him...ughhhh, why did he have to be soooo damn cute!

He brought back memories...

I'm not having a good day. Yeah, its Friday and all...but i feel really sad. I want to scream, i want to cry and oddly i'm pretty much pissed off...its wierd, i guess i don't want to be sad and i want to suppress my feelings.

Its been a wierd week actually. I swear its like my husband is trying to connect w/ me. I miss him soooo much and i'm really feeling it right now. U know i have good days and bad days and I can pretty much handle these feelings. I don't break down easily, i don't cry easily...i seem to have gotten a handle over my emotions. Its just that i guess today they're catching up to me.

So the straw that broke "my" back was one of my co-workers, he wrote a poem (i say he's in love, but he says he's just expressing himself...SURE) but really, he had some downtime and wrote a poem. He sent it to me cuz i love reading his stuff and then he did it...he got to me. I swear its like an excerpt of a page in my life. I swear I have lived that moment w/ my husband and its one of those memories that is burned into ur heart and brain FOREVER....i would love to share it w/ u guys, here it is:

When you called my name, I awoke from slumber. Laying my eyes on you for the first time my heart tensed. We chatted incessantly on trivial matters, but the moment was anything but trivial. I remembered how your smile captivated me. I responded with squinting eyes and blushing smiles. I lingered to reach out and touch you. I wanted to brush your hair away from your eyes, but the wind was more confident. I turned to look at you but you were lost in deep thoughts. I wanted my heart to speak, but the words could not escape. You said you had to go and my heart softened. You assured me with a smile and I replied with a wave. I watched you walked away and my legs wanted to give chase, but my languishing heart could not endure. SC

Quite the writer huh, yeah, he made me choke up....and if ur reading this "Mr. SC" u suck...but its all good...i got this. Anyways.....just wanted to vent.

~I miss u babe.....

Monday Bliss...

So I had an awsome 4 day weekend. Friday I was off and Monday was a holiday...well at least for us civil servants who are blessed to have every freaking "holiday" in the calendar off. oh yes, these are the times i love working for the city baby!! however, coming back was a b*tch...there were tons of messages to get back to and the work, oh the work...well lets just say, i really should be catching up right about now instead of posting..hehe...

So what's new? Well i got bangs...yeah,i had been toying w/ the idea for a couple of months. everytime i went to get my hair done i asked my hairstylist to have my bangs frame my face, right about the cheeks, ok now have em sweep under my eye, u know about nose level and then i did it. i got couragous and just said, "girl, just do it, give me bangs." i like em, my hair is still layered however i got bangs. i look like j-lo in the "aint that funny - remix video" lol...or another version at least...

Ok and now for the important news. Monday was actually a pretty nice day. I hung out w/ Mr. G. all day. I had told him that I didn't have to work and he asked me to come over and kick it? Since they're still in that whole moving transition stage, no one would be home and he'd have the house all to himself. Well...what's a girl to think? I was stressing ~ should i go??? should i just politely back out and say i'm busy???? well thanks to all of ur suggestions, oh who the hell am i kidding, I just said f*ck it, what is there to lose except time and we've wasted a lot of that already...so i said sure, i'll be there.

I got there around 9 or so and he had breakfast ready...ahhh...we went up to his room (ok stop thinking what ur thinking) and chilled. i'm serious, we got comfy on his bed (i swear it has to be the most comfortable matress i've ever laid on)cuddled and just talked. I swear, hours went by and all we did was talk and laugh and just chill. it was great. he kept making me laugh, touching my face, kissing my forhead, my hands, my cheek...he was such a sweetheart. i was waiting for him to make a pass at me or put his hands somewhere but he didn't. i was very surprised. we did kiss and u know how i love that, but he didn't try anything funny. I had a great time. We were supposed to go to lunch or catch a movie but we never left the room. its so true that you lose track of time when ur enjoying urself...we're supposed to get together again soon. when i asked why he hadn't tried anything, he replied "i'm not trying to rush u." I'm figuring this is working out nicely. he doing and saying all the right things so far...so we'll see.

I don't expect much to come out of this, i told him that i'm going to just let things work out as they may. Don't worry, i'm not about to get "caught up" or "sprung", i'm well aware of the situation, so i'm just going to let things happen and take advantage of the couple of weeks he's going to be around.