Mr. G

Remember him?? huh, huh, huh...well let me fill u in. I have both good news and bad news. Let me lay it on u. The good news: Mr. G is 18. The bad news: Mr. G is 18! For the love of GOD what the hell is wrong with me??????

How the hell did i allow this to happen? How did i become infatuated with an 18 year old? Helloooo i'm 28. This is ridiculous. I sort of kind of feel like a perv. I know he's legal and all, but u guys, he's 18. I'm trying to think back at when i was 18 and how the guys around me were when they were 18. Up until now, Mr. G has been very sweet, very courteous and geez such a gentleman. I think its the whole martial arts thing, they teach em' manners there. Anywho, he started talking to me and well there's been some flirting (yes i will admit it).

It's really cute cuz i love it when men pay attention to detail. I love it when they actually listen to u. The other day we were talking and i was telling him how i love piercings on guys. (he happens to have piercings by the way) but he didn't have em on that day, cuz they were rolling around on the mat and stuff but anyways, the very next day when i show up to class, why does he have on all his piercings??? That was too damn cute...he's got one in each ear (they're like spikey things that stretch the lobe, very intruiging) and then he's got one on his lip...oh, the one on his lip
**major SIGH**...i told u i have a thing for the whole bad boy image. He also told me he was going to get his nipples pierced...has anyone seen that before? my best friend has them and he looks good...its soo damn sexy...so Mr. G just won another brownie point from me.

Anywho, so far i like what i see and i've liked our conversations (short ones but nice ones). I'm actually kind of scared to get to know him better because 1) His age, i don't want him to turn out to be immature. So far he's been very mature, but come on, he's 18 for christ sake!!! 2) His age, yeah again...i'm 28 people...isn't that like just wrong???

Its annoying me that i'm putting toooo much thought into this.

Ok, so this brings me to the real dillema...he asked me for my number yesterday. I told em to give me his instead. I didn't call....i needed to ask the opinions of my blogger buddies first. What do u think guys??? should i just steer clear? Ughhhh!!!!! Talk to me people. I'm gonna see him tonight cuz the boys have karate class....and i don't want him to think i'm dissing him. Azrael, yes i'm talking to u, i need a guys perspective too...

Crazy, confused and perverted..signing out~

Top 3

'Suuuuup ya'll? I've been MIA for a couple of days, but i'm back, never fear.....anywho, had an awsome weekend. Went to the Anger Management Concert on Saturday. Took place out here in the IE..(that's inland empire for those who don't know). Saw my baby. Marshall or Eminem, whatever u call him. I know, some of u may not understand the attraction, but he's just FIIIINE in my eyes. I'm attracted to the whole bad boy thing. That's my type: bad asses...love em. Other features that definitely help; tatoos (yummy) and piercings. I'm not toooo much into the pretty boys, i like my man to be tough. I like to feel that my man can kick someone's a$$, not that i want him to be fighting all the time but at least if some sh*t goes down, i know he isn't going to get rocked. No one likes their man to be a b*tch, u know? And before we go on, let me clarify that i DON'T like gangsters...soo tacky. ughh. anywho, the real reason for my post....

At work we started our Top 3 list. We have to choose our top 3 loves (they have to be famous). The rule is that ur number one can't change. He/she has to stay at number one, can't be iffy about ur number one, that would mean they're not ur number one, get it? ok so here's my list....

1) Eminem....**sigh**

2) Maurice Bernard (Sonny from General Hospital)
For an older man, he's just GORGEOUS...

3) Alex Rodriguez...PAPASOTE...

Ok, so i will say that my number 2 and 3 fluxuate (sp?) And sometimes, Collin Farrel sneaks in here. But Em, oh Em, he's always number one. So what about u guys? who's on ur top 3 list?

A Little Piece of My Heaven....

I don't want this to be a sad blog...I want this to be a happy day and I want to share my memories w/ all of you...

Today is my husbands birthday. He would have been 30. He was so young and left way too early. Today I want to celeberate his memory and celebrate that fact that he will always live in my heart and in my thoughts.

Today also marks our 10 year anniversary. Today, we would have been together 10 years...wow, that's a long time. He asked me to be his "lady" (he was so sweet) on his 20th birthday...He said that the best present I could give him would be me accepting to be his girl...Well, 2 years later we were married.

I met Angel when I was a mere 15 years young. He used to tell me to have all the fun I wanted cuz as soon as i was 18 i was gonna be his and only his. He used to say that we would get married and that I would be the mother of his kids. I thought he was smoking something! All BS aside, we were happy...I was content with our life... I knew that I could always count on him and that he would always be there for me. I was his girl, his lady, his wife.....

In my eyes, Angel will always be the best father that ever lived. He loved his children soo much. I had never met a man that was so passionate and so in love with his children. He spoiled them and he didn't care. He adored them and lived for them. Don't get me wrong, he was strict and tough and with the simple look or a word from his mouth, they knew he meant business. They respected him...they loved him. My girls (they're twins) were only 1 when he died. They won't remeber him unfortunately. But they know him. It's hard to explain, but they know who he is... It saddens me that he won't see them go to kindergarden, he won't be there for their Quinceñera, or when they graduate from highschool and college. He won't see them wed and he'll never meet his grandchildren...I hate that...We used to talk about the things we would do when we had our grandkids...It's never going to be like that...

My boys on the otherhand....they do remember him. They have fond memories of him. We talked about it last night. They told me that they remember him taking them to the fair, our trips to Laughlin, the jetski's on the river, the boat trips at Lake Mead. They remember him taking them to school (when he was too lazy to go to work) and then picking them up and taking them to Mickey Dee's. They remember him taking the time to play Playstation with them and then taking over the game and not letting them play. They remember him being their tee-ball coach and him taking the time to show them how to catch and hit a ball...they also remember the last day they saw him (when they talk about it, im blown away, its as if it happened yesterday). They remember what they ate, what he did, what he said to them and when they kissed him goodnight as he went to the hospital. They remember me telling them that daddy wouldn't be coming home anymore...that they remember.

I remember him. He was my best friend. We were so intune w/ eachother. I swear to you that we could literally finish eachother's senctences. We were so at ease with eachother and so comfortable. He was my teddy bear, my Ogre (he was always bitching about something). He used to call me at LEAST 4 to 5 times a day at work...Just to see how my day was going, or if something stupid happend to him at work or just to talk. I miss that...my phone doesn't ring as much anymore. No one calls me to see if I got to work ok, or to check up on me. No one comes thru the door anymore at 6:00 pm. The nights are lonely, the bed seems enormous. No one to steal covers from or to hug or to bug...

We should have been inVegas right now. That was his birthday trip every year. He was my gambling buddy...boy were we some gambling fools. Haven't met anyone yet that shares the passion of the tables as much as he and I did. We were partners in crime. LOVED Black Jack and don't even mention the Craps tables. Once we spent the whole freakin day at a black jack table...8 straight hours...didn't move, just played. didn't eat, didn't even go to the head...i swear its a true story. he kept sayin..."we'll leave right after this hand, ok babe" yeah...that was the longest hand ever...LOL.

Here's the last pic our family took. Ironically (it was hell getting the kids to stay still) he told me that it was the LAST time he would take a family pic, next time i was on my own. I guess he was right. Here's the site if you wanna see my happy family.
http://www.mem.com/display/Images.asp?ID=645086&index=20#imageTop

Thanks for listening guys...I just wanted you all to know how special he was to me and to my kids. How he will forever live inside our hearts.

Angel, happy birthday babe. I wish you were here right now...but I guess God had other plans for u huh? I miss u daddy, the kids miss you a lot too. They always talk about you. The girls call out to you when they see ur pics. They're beauties huh? I know you're taking care of them, that keeps me at ease knowing ur looking out for us. Daddy, te quiero muchisimo y te extraño. Ur always in my thoughts and will always be in my heart. I love u babe....happy birthday.

Hello, my name is Soozie & I'm a Perv...

Ok...so i have to admit that I may be a pervert. Let me explain.

So, my boys (who are 8 & 6) go to Karate - actually its HapKido. Anywho, of course they have their instructors, black belts, who are either really cute kids (anywhere from 10 to 14 years old) or older adults...its all good though, my kids are learning a lot and have now advanced to yellow belt. Anyways, I didn't usually go to thier trainings cuz I work far and by the time I get there its already over, thier auntie takes em to class, that is until now : )

As I mentioned before, my kiddies have promoted to yellow belts, therefore, thier schedule changed and now its feasible for mommy to take em'. And then it happened. Umm... I had never seen Mr. G (we'll keep him annonymous for now). Mr. G is a double degree Black belt and he assists w/ the training of the yellow belts. Anywho, let me just say this: he is a PAPASOTE...translation= He is one FINE piece of work.... Ok, so what's the problem? Um...Mr. G can in no way be one day over 19...its just not happening. I bribed some of the kids into telling me how old he is but none of em gave me anything good. One of em said he was 19, another said he was 17 or 18....not good....

Even if Mr. G was 19...HELLOOOO I'm 28!!!! (although, a lot of folks say i look younger) is it wrong? yes it is...why am i even questioning this when i know its wrong. It's very very very wrong!! In my defense, I'll let you all know that Mr. G flirts w/ me...he's all nice to my kids and he's always smiling at me...even winked at me once (sigh)...but then i come back to reality and remember that he may be uhhhhh...UNDER AGE and then all i see is myself in a black and white jumper saying hi to my kids from behind a glass window...eeekkkkk!!!

I'm ashamed, that i "may" potentially be attracted to jail-bait...woe is me...ughh how depressing, i'm a perv....

Need...rest...

Have been very busy....got promotion....have not seen day light in 5 days....very happy it is Friday....will not wake up till Monday....have no energy left....can not go on.

Ok so i gots me-self a promotion...awsome, awsome. BUT...yes i have to admit i'm a tad bit overwhelmed..so much to do in so little time. EVERYTIME i freakin clear the inbox THERE's more crap in there...it never stops, its driving me mad...i don't wanna play supervisor anymore...ok enuff drama, i'll be ok, or so they say???

I just wanted to check in w/ my fellow blogger's cuz u guys are awsome and i miss blogging, just haven't had time. I'm sure u all understand.

Oh yeah, to top of my groovy Friday, my freakin tire popped and my car turned and twisted about 4 times on the I-10 but since i am such an awsome driver (yes i am one of the few awsome female drivers) i managed to controll that puppy and pull of the freeway safe and sound. I'm ok everyone, don't worry...LOL. Yeah, it was kind of freaky, being 6:00 am and all and in the last lane of the freeway. Dudes i was driving on my rim!!! crazy huh, but all is well. The AAA guy came and hooked me up and i was off again to the hell i like to call work (its not that bad really, i just do it for dramatic effect).

Ok kids, i guess i'm outta here, gotta drive an hour and 1/2 back home. yeah, i'm a commuter. I was waiting for a phone call from my insurance company, but i guess they don't want their money huh...............oh, wait................the phone is ringing, hold on..........................................yup u guessed it...those bastards got me b-4 i could roll outta here. anyways, i'm out fellow bloggers, have a great weekend, be good and if ur gonna be bad...be real bad (don't half ass it)!!!!

Just a little problem...

Ok...let me start by saying that I haven't been looking for a man, its just not in the big picture for me right now, but people like to ask me (and it doesn't bother me) when do i plan on dating again? Crazy huh. I mean my husband died 7 months ago on the 11th, and it has been pretty lonely. Its just that i wonder how long is the so called "waiting" period...what is considered right? In the "latin" culture, they want you to wait an eternity...I'm sure if it was up to my grandma or my "mother in law" they'd want me to wait till the kids were 18 and out of the house, but, umm yeah, i don't see that happening. Do u have any idea how crazy it is for me to realize that i was made a widow at the crazy age of 27?!?! That still throws me off...that just wasn't supposed to happen to me (ok, that's a whole other issue all together).

So, I remember my mother in law telling me (get a load of this) about a 4 days after her son had died, that she knew that I "had" to move on, that it was expected for me to find someone new and possibley remarry...ok??? I'm sure it is, however, I don't know if u see that I'm emotionally distraught here....um we haven't even burried the man yet and ur telling me this because????? Then a week later my sister in law repeats the same story...blah blah blah....i'm like, what the
f&*$??? Ok, so i guess they were mentally preparing themselves for that day, i dunno but at that time and place those comments did bother me, i mean, i expected stuff like that from other people, not them. Now the story has changed. Some of my family has heard my mother in law making comments about me dating and how it wouldn't be right, how it would be too soon... Again i have no idea where she gets this crap from, i'm not dating anyone...whatever. I just don't know why she doesn't just hit me up...maybe cuz she know's not to ask me anymore stupid questions (beleive me when I say, i've changed) I'm not that little girl who used to do and say what her husband wanted...Its all about me now and NO ONE is in charge of me but ME....

Anywho, along w/ the in law's, co-workers and friends have asked if i have thought about getting back into the dating scene again??? That i'm still really young and to not wait too long...(And no it doesn't bother that they ask anymore, i'm doing much better now and i'm coping better w/ my husbands death...) But I just say, i haven't been looking, I don't know, I guess i'll know when its time. But I'm sure SOMEONE will have something to say about it. I'm sure that there will always be whispers and gossip about what i do. Look, I feel that as long as i don't disrespect my children, my home or myself...I'll be fine. I don't care what anyone says...cuz last i checked Susie pays the mortgage, the bills and the car note honey....Yeah...I'm in charge of me!